Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
