yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
