You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize