i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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