I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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