i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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