Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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