I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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