Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
