we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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