i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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