Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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