Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
