dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
