I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
