I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize