There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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