They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
