she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
