He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
