she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
