one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
