There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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