That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
