I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
