I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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