My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
