see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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