I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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