i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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