just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
