I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
