Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
