We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Barsexuality is the new black.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
