I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize