please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
