Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
