I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
