Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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