well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
