I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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