Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
