he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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