So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
