great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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