if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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