Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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