so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
