his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
