Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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