Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
