Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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