Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
