someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
