Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
