If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize