her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this boner is exhausting
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize