My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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