the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
