Plan B is the new Plan A
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We got so high we made milksteak
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
