I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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