question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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