Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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