It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
