i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize