Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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