So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
