we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
