where does the pee come out of this thing
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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