Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize