It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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