You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
