wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just pee around me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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