lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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