I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
