i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
