hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
