bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
