HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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