your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
