god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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