whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
