Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
