Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I lost the right to judge tonight
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
