Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
