Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
