Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
