How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
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Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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