somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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