the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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