I cannot find my penis.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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