i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
