I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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