i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
