I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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