p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
