i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
