I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Someone shit on the floor
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize