I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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