Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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