dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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