to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
