so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize