I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
