The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize