I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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