both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
