I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
